“Avatar”: This one really impressed me. But only visually. The dialogue was typical and the storyline bordered on “Fern Gully” and “Dances With Wolves”, but visually, it was stunning. I saw it in IMAX 3-D, and from what I’ve heard, that’s the ONLY way to see it. It’s James Cameron, which means it’s way too freaking long, but I still give it a B -.
“Harry Potter / Half Blood Prince”: Duh, Dumbledore died and it was great. Harry finally grew a pair and did something instead of whiny about his dead parents. And perhaps the best part for me was Hermoine getting tipsy on Butter beer. ….slut. 🙂 A-
“Coraline”: I love dark fairy-tales, they’re the only good ones. And this definitely has a creepy factor that I think kids should get accustomed to. B+
“The Hangover”: I rarely go to the moves and actually laugh, you know? But I did on this one. It’s definitly a tired plot though (Bachelor party gone bad? Please, who the hell can afford to go to Vegas and stay for two nights in a 5 star hotel? And strippers, and Coke?…in this economy?) But the sparks of humor came from not the main characters for me, but the supporting cast. Tyson’s cameo was actually good, and the Asian mob man was a hit, for me. The best actor though? That damn baby, and him getting hit by the car door. Worst part? Again, females are painted as being humor-less Ice Queens. …. B+
“Orphan”: I expected a terrible B movie disguising itself for an A-List movie. Not the case…. seriously good and twisted. Ala ‘The Good Son’, it definitly reminds me to take my Birth Control, and that kids are not always as sweet as they seem. Also, the best part was the little girl. That little bitch was amazing. She learned how to master the Russian dialect and gives you a stony performance, and at one part, kind of a slutty one, that left even me uncomfortable. A-
“Inglorious Basterds”: Two words: Tarantino, motherfuckers. I had been waiting a long time to see this. Mixing two of my favorite things, World War Two, and Tarantino. Brad Pitt was funny, Diane Kruger did something besides look like she swallowed an Ecstasy tablet (like in ‘National Treasure’) and the ‘basterds’ were ruthless. A 🙂
“Paranormal Activity”: I don’t get scared of movies, okay? I really don’t. Last one to do so was “Night Of The Living Dead”…. and I was 8. Saw this on Opening Night, Midnight Showing, when it was only in 5 theaters across the country, so I was one of the first to see it. I had never even heard of it, but a friend mentioned it, and we were looking for a movie to catch, so we thought, why not? After some research and critics calling it “amazing”, I was not disappointed. I love seeing Indie movies do well, and this one definitely deserved to do well. A
“Zombieland”: Woody Harrelson made that movie for me. His scenes with Bill Murray were great. But other than that….. Okay, I am so over this “Indie Boy” thing, okay? That boy who is kinda good looking, very shy and geeky, yet always managing to pull his shit together and get the bad-ass girl. Like, “Adventureland”, “Juno”, “Youth In Revolt”…. its like, enough already. I know if I was that chick, I’d search all over for another male survivor, because I would not hit that shit. Abagail Breslin was great too. B-
“Pirate Radio”: Phillip Seymour Hoffman is just a great fucking actor, homeboy was brilliant. And great performances by Nick Frost (‘Shaun Of The Dead’) and Chris O’Dowd (from U.K’s “IT Crowd”…. a sitcom you definitely need to see. ) I love 60’s stuff, and this made me laugh and at one point tear up. Awesome. A
Also some good ones, but not BEST, were: “The Road”, “Sherlock Holmes”, “Invention Of Lying,” and you need to see “Capitalism: A Love Story”….it’ll make you so damn mad.
“Adventureland”: Again, the whole “Indie Shy Boy” thing, just annoys the hell out of me. Enough already. Bring back asshole jocks who beat the shit out of kids like them, ugh, please. Also along the same lines, “500 days Of Summer”…another chick who looks like falling in love with these guys is along the same lines of a root canal. F
“Public Enemies”: It’s okay, Johnny Depp, we all pick shitty scripts sometimes. Hell, I did ‘Frog & Toad”, okay? Long-winded, annoying, dull, and having literally no climax, it reminded me of sex with an ex-boyfriend I used to have. -D
“Fame:” No, you are NOT going to live forever. You are going to go to New York and wait tables, sleep with a smack dealer, start turning tricks, get pregnant and actually have it, and hopefully after years of night-school, become a paralegal. Or, you’ll move to Hollywood, do the same except you’ll meet a rich old guy, get tit implants and have kids you never see. Cheers. F
“New Moon”: Come on, you knew I was going to attack it, don’t act surprised. Okay, I get why girls like it, I really do. Hot guy with super-powers rescuing a (sorta) ugly girl (with an over-bite) from her boring life, and giving her everything she wants and needs (except orgasms). But I just don’t get it, okay? I know it’s for teens, but I don’t understand why this movie is trying so hard to be pious. WILL THEY JUST HAVE SEX ALREADY?! If I was Edward Cullen, and Bella was not giving it up, I’d let the Voulturi have her ass, screw it. I miss the days of vampires eating you, sleeping during the day, being allergic to Christians, and frankly, fucking a bitch up. I just don’t get the whole sparkling flesh, being able to walk around in the daylight, posing as high-school students (just say your damn parents home-school you, shit) and somehow having a shit-ton of money. (I know the dad’s a doctor, but not every doctor makes that much money….lord.) C-
“Did You Hear About The Morgans?”: Yes, and I wish I hadn’t. ….trite. And Sarah Jessica Parker? Just get Botox like a normal fucking person, please. No way would Hugh Grant be banging you in real life. D
“The Ugly Truth”: I weep for this, I really do. As a woman, I am so sick of these things. It’s 2010, don’t you think we’ve figured out the whole “Men are mysteries, women are not” thing? We’re really not that different, women and man, we’re not. But the tired old jokes as men being these ravenous sex creatures all about sex, sports, and carnage; and women being these lovely creatures obsessed with organization, fashion, and trying to figure out everything, are just that, tired. I’m a chick, and I like sex, sports, carnage. But I also love fashion and organization. So I’m over Hollywood trying to make money off of nuerotic women this way. Do it the normal way and make us feel insecure about our bodies. D